The Things We Do
by Marky-Mark7
Summary: Gravity Falls Prom! Pacifica gets a welcome surprise on what she's dreading will be a difficult night. This was also beta'd by proseandsongs (tumblr). Review after reading.
1. Dipper

Dipper walked back to the truck, change and cheap coffee in hand, eager to get back on the road. He pulled the nozzle out of the gas tank opening and replaced it on the pump. Then he replaced the gas cap and opened the driver side door.

 **Vrrrrhumm chrrrrg chrrrg chrrrrg chrrrg chrrrrg chrrrg** , went the engine as Dipper turned the key. It was a modest truck; a 1984 Chevrolet C10, diesel. Equal parts brick red and rust. It was relatively cheap and convenient, despite the habits of the previous owner(s). The bench seats' upholstery was ripped in a few places, some of the seatbelt edges were fraying, empty coffee cups littered the passenger seat foot well (Dipper's contribution), the steering wheel and gearstick were worn, and the windshield had a couple sunburst cracks from gravel meteorites. It had needed a good vacuuming after he bought it from a middle-aged man on Alameda, and it took all of his strength to stop Mabel from bedazzling the rear-view mirror.

Nevertheless, Dipper appreciated it. It was a car with character. Sometimes he believed it had a personality of its own. He smiled as he put it in drive and pulled out of the middle-of-nowhere roadside gas station.

Just a couple dozen more miles and he'd be back in one of his favourite places in the world, namely, Gravity Falls, Oregon. He cranked the handle to roll down the window so he could smell the fresh, familiar scent of redwoods. It was May, nearing the end of spring. Friday afternoon. The weather was warming up, but he was thankful for his warm flannels in regards to the shade cast by such tall trees in such dense forests.

~ _She's a Dan-ger-ous Dame_ ~ _Always set to kill not stun_ ~

~ _I'm Cap-tain Kirk_ ~ _boldly going for-or-ward_ ~ *

He was startled by his phone playing Pacifica's customizable ringtone. He was a bit nervous- his visit was meant to be a surprise. Gravity Falls high was having their annual prom this weekend, And Pacifica had texted him on multiple occasions wishing he could be there with her. Being the excellent long-distance boyfriend he was, he was going to grant her wish. And for all the gooey romance-y brownie points it was worth, he wanted it to be a surprise. His biggest worry was Mabel keeping the secret, but he knew she understood the importance of spontanuity in a relationship.

Next on the worry list was her calling him in transit, wondering why he wasn't picking up, catching on to his plan, and not being appropriately surprised at his "fashionably late" appearance in a couple days.

He had all he needed:

· Transport- check

· Tuxedo- check

· Toiletries for when he arrived, sweaty, at the Mystery shack- check

· The element of surprise- pending

All he needed now was to actually get there without Pacifica wising up to his plan.

 _Dangerous Dame_ stopped playing. Dipper let out a sigh of relief, hoping she would think he was doing some "nerd thing" and couldn't pick up right now.

His hopes were dashed when Pacifica's ringtone started again. _Oh no… She's calling again. It must be important._

His phone stopped ringing. Then came the inevitable, half-worried-half-irritated text: _Why aren't you answering? Are you ignoring me?_

He couldn't put it off any longer or else Pacifica would get mad.

He picked up his cell phone and quickly typed ' _#X._ ' The national code for "I'm driving. I can't text now." The only problem was that, now, she knew he was driving. She wasn't the stereotypical dumb blonde. It was entirely possible that she could catch on to his plan.

* * *

She didn't text back until he got to the cheap little motel he would be staying the night at. After paying for his one-night stay he accepted the cardkey to his room (#618), thanked the woman at the counter, and walked up the flight of stairs to the second landing to find his room. He texted her back as he walked.

 _Hey. So what's up Paz?_

 _I had another fight with my parents_ came the rapid reply. _Can I call you now?_

Dipper arrived at suite 618, stopped, and looked around.

The motel was at the side of the road in a little clearing in the woods. There was a food/gas stop just half a mile up the road. The traffic on the highway was sporadic at best. Probably not enough noise to let her know he was out of town.

 _Sure_ he texted back.

The call came immediately. He opened his door with the cardkey and went in before answering.

"Hey. What was the fight about?"

"They don't want me to go to prom without an escort." She put on a bad imitation of Preston's voice. " _Northwests don't show up to formal events alone. Here, we bribed the most popular boy in town to go with you._ It's just annoying. They're still so obsessed with image that they won't let me do things my way. I told them that if I couldn't go with you, I wouldn't go with anybody. That didn't fly, so now I'm stuck with Brad "Touchy-Feely" Thompson, _and_ they took away my credit cards until next week."

"I don't like the sound of "Touchy-Feely" Thompson…" Dipper said as he sat down at the edge of the single bed. "Do I need to call in a favour to Multi-Bear?"

Pacifica giggled on the other end of the line.

"No. If I can outrun a triangle demon during the apocalypse, I can survive a hormonal jock. Hey, why didn't you pick up earlier? Were you driving somewhere?"

"Oh, yeah, Mabel sent me out to get food for Waddles." It wasn't strictly a lie- Mabel _did_ ask Dipper to pick up some celery or something on his way back down. Dipper fully intended on getting some vegetables, _after_ Gravity Fall's prom. He didn't want produce sitting in his Chevy all weekend.

"Hm. Alright." She didn't sound convinced, but let the subject drop anyway. "What are you doing now?"

"Getting ready for bed. It's like 10:30." Dipper deadpanned lightheartedly.

"So? You're usually up 'til O'dark hundred with advanced calc. and physics notes. Or conspiracy theories."

"Eh. Thought I'd get an early night. Got a big day tomorrow."

"Some kind of science experiment? Or another video for Mabel's blog?"

"Hmmm…" Dipper thought about how to respond vaguely but truthfully. "Something… unexpected."

"Great. While you're having fun doing whatever, I'll be preparing for a night full of spiked punch and bad choices. Prom sucks…"

"Hey, cheer up. Maybe Brad will mature overnight into a chivalrous gentleman."

"Yeah. And maybe Waddles will sprout wings and fly you and Mabel up here so we can save the school from evil vegetables."

Dipper laughed. "That's gotta be the most creative 'when pigs fly' adaptation I've heard come from someone other than Mabel."

"Alright. I've got to go. I'll let you get a rare chance at a full eight hours."

"Good night."

"Sweet dreams."

 **Click.**

So. Pacifica's parents were making her go with some popular kid at school. Could this ruin Dipper's plans in any way? He hadn't planned on actually showing up at her house to escort her to Prom. Her parents wouldn't let him _in_ the gates, let alone _out_ with their daughter in tow. He just assumed she'd be there when he showed up "fashionably late," looking suave and handsome in his tuxedo.

Well, in a way it was good her parents were so controlling. With Dipper wanting this to be a surprise he obviously didn't tell Pacifica she _would_ be going with him after all. She planned on not going if he couldn't go. At least with "Touchy-Feely" Thompson she would actually be at the dance. Dipper would just have to swoop in and whisk her away, before Brad had a chance to live up to his epithet.

With that heroic picture in mind, Dipper laid down on the bed and tried to get some sleep before tomorrow.

Ten seconds later he got back up and went down to his truck to get the toiletries and change of clothes he forgot.

* * *

Dipper pulled in to the Mystery Shack's…. Field? You couldn't really call it a parking lot. There was no asphalt; just tire-worn dirt and yellowing grass.

He put it in park and turned off the engine. Then he got out with the duffel bag containing his outfit for tonight and walked up to the front door.

 ** _Knock knock knock._**

From inside came the gruff voices of his grunkles.

"No solicitors!"

"Answer the door, Stanley!"

"Uuughh."

Dipper smiled at his grunkles' comforting bickering. It meant nothing seriously bad had happened to their relationship since he was here last: they were on speaking terms at least.

The door opened to frame a casual Grunkle Stan In the doorway. His displeasure turned to surprise as he recognized his grandnephew.

"Dipper!" His face broke into a grin. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh, y'know… going to prom with my long-distance girlfriend. Can I stay here for the weekend?"

"Hm… I don't know. You're 18 now, right? I might have to charge you rent," Stan said as he rubbed his fingers together in the universal sign of _moolah._

"I should have guessed." Dipper deadpanned.

"Stanley, who is-"

Grunkle Ford came into view behind Stan and regarded Dipper with a brief, inquisitive look before a look of recognition encompassed his features.

"Dipper, my boy! Come in, why don't you?"

"Hey Grunkle Ford. Is it okay if I stay here for the weekend?"

"Of course! I've been working on something you'll love- Anti-Sleep Drops! Eye drops that suspend the need to sleep! Just two in each eye and you can go a week without sleep!"

Ford's left eye twitched.

"Heh-heh, that sounds great, Grunkle Ford, but I've actually got plans later today."

"He's going to the high school's _prom_." Stan said, straining the word 'prom.' "I think we'll have to give him some pointers, eh? Sixer?" He winked.

Ford's face adopted the thousand-yard-stare for a few moments, no doubt remembering some embarrassing school dances.

"Uhh..…." Said Ford eloquently. "Yes! Pointers! Uh… Well, whatever you do, don't tell her about your latest plan to revolutionize the Greater Philadelphia Metro Area traffic. Unless you want punch thrown in your face, that is."

Dipper didn't know how to respond to that.

"Uh, thanks for the advice? I'll be sure to… not… do that. Thing. I'll just go. Change. Into my tux. Upstairs."

Dipper hefted his duffel bag and made for the stairs.

"I may need help with my bow tie!" He called down when he was almost to the top.

"Sure, kid!" said Stan. "Heh. Not to worry, Ford. I'm sure between the two of us we can make him sound intelligent _and_ confident without coming off as too much of a jerk."

"Yeah… Yeah. How hard can it be? Prepping your grandnephew for his Prom?"

 ** _Thump._**

"Ow."

 ** _Bump._**

"Oof!"

 ** _Scuffle scuffle. Crash!_**

"Ugh! This collar is tight!"

"Come on." grunted Stan. "Let's go help the kid."

Together, the old men ascended the staircase to give the best pep-talk they could.

* * *

From the outside, Gravity Falls High Gymnasium looked like any other high school gymnasium. Tonight, however, there were coloured lights flashing out from the high windows. It was actually better light than that provided by the hazy orange streetlights. The music pulsing from the open double doors was lively and energetic. Couples strolled in hand-in-hand.

Inside, spotlights were somehow glaring but soft at the same time. They illuminated pale curtains hung floor-to-ceiling around the walls. Also on the ceiling were bobbing balloons and streamers. And a Disco Ball hung in the shadowy far corner, forgotten.

Onstage, a band called Wood Grain on Everything was playing vaguely alternative music. They weren't the best band, but they were hip. And the band remembered that Gravity falls was a pretty exciting place one time at a Woodstick festival so they halved their average show fee.

Students milled about, some dancing, some drinking punch, some snacking on concessions.

Pacifica Northwest, however, was doing none of the above. She wore a lavender prom dress with a sweetheart neckline and a couple crinolines to let the knee-length skirt flow out. Despite how good she looked, a frown dampened her features. She was trying to ignore Brad "Touchy-Feely Thompson who was trying to dance provocatively in a baby blue suit beside her. He was currently failing.

 _Gosh this is a nightmare. Just stay out of my personal space, Brad!_ thought Pacifica eagerly.

Sensing he wasn't having the desired effect, Brad stopped dancing, allowing enough blood to flow from his limbs to his brain in order to get a "brilliant" idea.

"Hey, I'm gonna go get some punch. Do you want some?"

 _Seriously?_ "That depends. Did one of your buddies spike it?"

"No!... Maybe… Heh, heh."

 _If he's drunk he'll either be A) too hammered to stand up straight- not a threat, B) lacking inhibition, becoming too forward, and violating me, C) asleep, or D) violent. Hmm… if A or C occur, I might be able to lose him in the crowd. But if he finds me… Nah, I can lose him._

"In that case, sure! I'll take a full glass. Take your time filling it up."

Brad turned towards the snack table, stopped, and turned back to her with a skeptical face.

"Don't worry, I'll be right here when you get back."

He turned back around and walked towards the punch.

Pacifica made it a priority to not be there when he got back.

* * *

The bathroom seemed like a good hiding spot until Pacifica realized that if Brad asked around and a girl told him where she was, he would just wait outside the door, effectively cornering her. The stage was front-and-center: not exactly discreet. Under the bleachers wasn't an option either- too scummy. Pacifica would just have to keep moving, and keep looking over her shoulder.

Suddenly, her phone rang. She opened her clutch purse to answer a much appreciated call from Dipper.

"Hey! Glad you called. I need to know how to hide from a monster in an urban setting."

"Brad giving you trouble?"

"Nothing I can't handle."

"Without professional monster-evading advice."

"Calling yourself a professional now? Wishful thinking much?"

"Make your way to the closest exit. Weave through the crowd putting as much space and as many tall dancers between you as possible. When possible, duck behind obstacles like tables and poofy dresses."

"Thank you."

"That concludes the session on Evading Capture. Stay tuned for the session on Gaining the Advantage in a Confrontation."

"You're such a dork." Pacifica said as she made it to the exit, glancing behind her for Brad. "Remind me why I'm dating you?"

"Because I do things like this."

"Things like wha-oof!" Pacifica bumped into someone just before crossing the threshold. She looked up to apologize and saw the tawny brown eyes of Dipper Pines.

"Surprise~" said Dipper.

Pacifica took a step back. He was here. He was in a tuxedo. He was grinning a little too confidently for her taste. He was in a tuxedo. He had a bouquet of orchids. He was in a tuxedo.

"…"

"Oh!" Dipper extended the orchids. "These are for y-"

"Dipper!"

Pacifica practically tackled him with her hug.

"Oof. Heh, it's good to see you too, Paz." Dipper said, his face red.

"What are you doing here?" Pacifica asked, pulling back.

"Well, I couldn't let my girlfriend have a bad prom, probably getting groped by "Touchy-Feely" Thompson, now could I?"

It was sweet. Pacifica rolled her eyes.

"Jealous much?"

"Uh… Maybe just a little."

Paz giggled. "Come on, let's get out of here."

They turned to leave when a call of "Hey, punk!" assailed their ears.

They turned back to see Brad making his way toward them. In his anger, he punched a nerd, who doubled over.

"Where're yoo goin' with mah grrrrl?" Brad drawled. There was probably more "spike" in him than punch.

Dipper looked around.

"I don't know who you're talking to. I'm leaving with Pacifica, who doesn't belong to anyone."

It was a brave thing to say considering the noticeable height difference between Brad and Dipper.

"I wass talkin' 'bout Pacif'ca. She's my daa-ate."

Dipper put his hand in his pocket and appeared to be fiddling with something.

"Just let it go, Brad. Dipper is my boyfriend. No offense, but I didn't want to come without him anyway." Pacifica said.

It took Brad two tries to focus on Pacifica properly.

"Nnnnnoo." He finally managed. "You came here w'th me, you leave here with me." He grabbed her arm and yanked her to his side, away from Dipper.

"Just let her be, man. You should respect her decision to leave on her own terms." said Dipper.

"Oh yeah? And whose gonna make me?" Brad said with a lop-sided sneer.

~ _Disco Girl_ ~ _Coming through_ ~ _That girl is you_ ~

"Oh, hold on. I have to get that." Dipper pulled out his phone and flipped it open.

Brad paused in confusion, his face slack.

"Hello? Yeah. Oh, okay." Dipper returned his attention to Brad. "It's for you." He held out his phone. Brad leaned in to hear better.

 **"** **RROOOOOOAAAAAARRRRRRRR!"**

Though it came from a phone, the sound of six bears roaring in G major was clearly audible throughout the whole room. The music stopped abruptly. Everyone turned to stare as the roaring ceased. Brad stumbled back and tripped over the poor nerdy kid that he punched in his anger and determination to get to Dipper. There was silence in the gym for a good five seconds, before everyone started laughing at Brad, who hastily got to his feet and made for the double doors.

"Uh huh. Yeah. He's gone now. Ha ha, totally. I'll ask around. Someone probably managed to get a video of it. Yeah. Okay, thanks Multi-bear." Dipper clicked his phone shut. "Now, where were we?"

Pacifica took half a moment to process the events of the last 10 seconds.

"Remind me to send Multi-Bear a gift basket later." She said.

"You still wanna go?"

"Hm… Maybe just one more dance." Pacifica led Dipper onto the dance floor as a pop song started up.

They danced for a while, waving limbs and jumping side-by-side with the rhythm of the music.

Eventually Wood Grain on Everything changed to a slower alternative song. It was a song the mini-tar* player had written on one of her Webfilm* &Chill days. The song didn't necessarily call for slow dancing, but it did call for more calm and reserved actions. Dipper and Pacifica were one of the few couples that got into a couples-dancing position, and they were the only couple that started waltzing.

"You know, considering I came here with Brad Thompson, tonight is going much better than expected."

"Well," Dipper said with a self-satisfied smirk, "that's what happens when your boyfriend is capable of defeating a category 10 ghost."

"Mm-hmm. And then he drops the mirror, releasing said ghost."

"Eh… Heh heh, yeah… Well, it's times like that that a category 10 monster hunter is grateful his girlfriend is also a category 10."

That gave Pacifica something to think about. _Did he just call me a '10?' Dang. He's smooth._

"You better believe I'm a category 10." is what she said out loud.

She dropped his right hand and buried it in the back of his shaggy hair. His hand dropped to her waist. She pulled his head down for a kiss, he pulled her closer for a tight embrace. She could feel his breath dance across her cheeks when-

 ** _Thud. Thud. Thud._**

The lights flickered with every quake. Wood Grain on Everything stopped playing. Screaming came from outside and got louder as a couple teens burst through the doors to the gym.

"Walking trees!" said a girl in a bedraggled blue dress.

Dipper and Pacifica ran outside with a couple other brave students to assess the threat.

Giants that appeared to be made out of redwood trees were stomping around town, lifting roofs off buildings, converging on the battered water tower.

"Well, Mr. Category 10 Monster Hunter, what category are Tree Giants in?"

"Psh! Category six…"

 ** _Crash!_**

"…teen. Nothing we can't handle."

Dipper put his hand in his other pocket and dug out a small red booklet with a gold hand symbol and "3.5" on the front. He flipped through it, settling on a page near the end.

"Pocket Journal." Dipper said when he caught her staring. "'On my second day in Gravity Falls my car was crushed by a giant arm that appeared to be made out of wood. I believe this may have been one of the illusive Tree Giants…' The footnote says they're weak to fire and... Termites? Whatever. I've got some road flares in my truck. You ready?"

 _He didn't even blink._

"You bet I'm ready!"

Dipper led the way to his Chevy, shutting the pocket journal with a snap and putting it back in his pocket on the way. He opened the passenger side door and grabbed a backpack out of which he pulled four road flares, giving two to Pacifica. Holding them below the black lines, he pulled off the plastic caps ( **pop-pop** ) and exposed the friction pads. He swiped down ( ** _scritch-scratch_** ) and ignited both flares simultaneously.

"On the count of three."

 ** _Pop. Pop._**

"One."

 ** _Scratch._**

"Two."

 ** _Scratch._**

"Three."

Dipper and Pacifica ran out from either side of the truck, waving road flares. In the night sky above, a waning crescent moon shone down upon their advancing figures. And if you turned your head, just so, it resembled a smile- a promise that tomorrow would come. And it would be happy.

* * *

* _Dangerous Dame_ ringtone song was inspired by Bombshell Blonde- Owl City

*the picture on Tambry's phone of Wood Grain on Everything has three members, one of which holds small guitar-like instrument. I doubt it's an ukulele because all the ukuleles I've seen have four strings. I decided to call it a mini-tar.

*Webfilm = Gravity Falls' version of Netflix

A/N: On the Microsoft Word document this was pasted from I changed the sizing of fonts to make certain voices seem quieter or louder based on the circumstances. For example: smaller fonts when characters are talking from a phone or behind a door, larger fonts for Multi-Bear's roar.


	2. Pacifica

**A/N:** This one has several footnotes (each denoted by an asterisk: * )

* * *

Dipper looked on in awe at the venue for their school's prom.

The Claremont Country club was one of the most prestigious in the Bay Area. No denim or cell phones allowed; jackets required. Not just _any_ school could use the facility for a glorified teen dance party.

"How our school managed to book this place, I'll never guess." He said.

"Who cares!" said Mabel, beside him. "Come on, Dippingsauce. This is gonna be a blast!"

"Sure it is…" Dipper commented skeptically.

Mabel ran on ahead- despite her flow-y dress and high heels.

They arrived together because somehow neither of them had gotten dates. Dipper for obvious reasons. But ever since they started high school, Mabel seemed to get a date every month or so. Rarely the same guy twice in a row. Dipper suspected it wasn't that she couldn't get _a_ date, but that she couldn't get the _right_ date.

All the guys she'd dated during high school were reasonably good looking, and had decent personalities, but they weren't passionate. Mabel wasn't a floozy: she was a lover. And love required passion. And an aura of mystery helped too: none of these guys were child psychics, boyband clones, or mermen.

Dipper slumped his shoulders and followed her in.

The Claremont Country club main building was designed like an old English Tudor cottage- only with four stories and five wings. It was grand. Inside it was cozy, but professional with the cottage design continuing inside with modern furniture and facilities replacing ancient winged arm chairs and masonry fireplaces.

Dipper immediately thought of the renovated 1929 blueprints. He could see the potential of servant doors here, a trapdoor to the wine cellar under that rug, maybe a secret room entrance in a false wall.

Gosh, he missed Gravity Falls.

He was up there last week for Pacifica's prom and wished he'd stayed more than just that weekend. Gravity Falls was inherently more mysterious and supernatural. Thinking back, he could almost smell the redwood trees and dusty secret chambers full of discovery.

Here, in a country club in Oakland, the closest he would get to a rich tree smell was Pine Sol floor/furniture polish. There was no dust of discovery- just chlorine from the two outdoor pools.

It was too posh. Posh wasn't his thing; that was Pacifica's territory. He'd know better how to navigate if she was here, but she'd told him she would be busy doing something with her parents this weekend. Without his girlfriend, all Dipper felt like doing was wandering around, sampling the punch and brooding over lack of a dance partner.

Of course, he wasn't necessarily without a selection of dance partners. After his first Summer in Gravity Falls, puberty had used a year of awkward comments, high-pitched voice cracks, and embarrassing itchy places the sun didn't shine on to turn him into a good-looking guy. He had a minor following he was oblivious to. Never a cheerleader or a fashion icon, but there were a couple girls who had joined the chess club, not necessarily because the Queen piece was the most powerful on the board. One of the girls had even taking a liking to Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons.*

Plenty of the prom's female population would gladly dance with Dipper Pines. He was alone by choice.

Piedmont High School didn't have live entertainment at their prom. The student council simply nominated someone with the most popular songs of the past 6 months on their iPhone to be the Disc Jockey for the night. All throughout the night songs like _What Does the Rabbit Say?, Downtown Jazz,_ and _Coldline Blang_ blared.* Students danced in newfangled and inappropriate ways as teachers and parents chaperoned disapprovingly.

Dipper leaned against a pillar and sipped his punch in solitude. Mabel had found some boy with green hair to dance with for a song or two. Being dateless could never stop her from having fun.

Out of the corner of his eye, Dipper recognized a couple junior members of the cheer squad "discreetly" whispering behind their hands. Then they giggled- probably a joke at his expense.

Dipper and Pacifica made their relationship official just last year, but they didn't see it as that big of a deal. It wasn't front page news or anything. Dipper had told a couple people who had asked about his dating status, but no one believed him, except for some of his more open-minded Chess Club buddies. The rest of his close-minded peers thought it ludicrous that a nerd like Dipper could woo an heiress like Pacifica. Mabel of course backed him up, bragging about her excellent match-making skills. But Mabel was infamous for her embellished romantic ramblings. If she didn't pair up at least 6 fellow students a week it was a waste to her.

"Hey, Pines!"

 _Oh great. Josh McDowell._

"What's the matter, Pines? Your rich girlfriend couldn't be bothered to _fall_ down here for a visit?" asked Josh as he strode over with a good-looking girl on his arm.

Josh McDowell, your typical jock. Blonde, blue-eyed, 6'2" and almost as thick. 75% muscle, 15% arrogance, 10% empty head space. One of the Wide Receivers on Piedmont high's football team.* Incidentally, he was one of the most fervid unbelievers in the existence of Dipper's love life.

It didn't help that, after students asked about Dipper's alleged girlfriend (as as classmates inevitably will), he had to tell them where she lived. Gravity Falls, while in reality a quaint little lumber town, did not have a very legitimate-sounding name. Josh thought he was being original with his "fall down here for a visit" line, but Dipper had gotten consistently worse one-liners about "falling" on his head over the summer, nerds "gravitating" towards him, and Gravity _Fail_ ing to keep his head out of the clouds. Dipper usually let those kind of comments roll off his back like water off a duck these days, but tonight was supposed to be about having fun. Apparently, some didn't care if that fun was at someone else's expense.

"Let it go, Josh."

"Maybe she can't escape the _gravity_ of her situation. Ha ha ha!"

Anxiety made an appearance on McDowell's date's face. Perhaps the gravity of her situation was peer pressure from Public Meathead #Blue 42. Dipper felt sorry for her.

"I said let it go, Josh. If you don't wanna believe I'm in a relationship with Pacifica, that's fine. It doesn't matter what you think. I know we're dating, and she knows we're dating. That's all that matters."

"Ha ha ha ha! Oh, this is rich. Almost as rich as _Pacifica Northwest_! Ha ha! You're really delusional aren't you? Why would a rich babe like her be interested in you, huh?"

"I don't know. It's never occurred to me to ask her. And it's none of your business."

"You don't have a reason! That means you're lying. I bet if she heard you were spreading rumours like that about her, she'd sue you for everything you had. I bet-"

McDowell cut off mid-sentence and took on a look of confusion as a thrumming sound rose over the din of the party music. Teenagers all around stopped dancing and looked up to discern the origin of the resounding tumult.

 ** _Fwump-fwump-fwump-fwump-fwump-fwump-fwump._**

The Disc Jockey stopped the music with a record scratch. A crowd was forming around the exit to the veranda and golf green. Dipper squeezed through the crowd to get outside and see what was going on.

A helicopter touched down on the grass.

The pilot landed in such a way that the helicopter was facing the building. It was black, as many private helicopters are. It looked big and imposing. Obviously this was a country club, and many very rich people were members at country clubs, but Dipper still wondered: _Who could be so influential that they could ruin a prestigious country club's golf green with their helicopter and suffer no repercussions?_

All doubt about who this member could be was quashed when a passenger door opened and a monogram consisting of the letters _P_ , _N_ , and _W_ could be clearly seen in a gold cursive font.

 _I should have guessed,_ Dipper thought as a smile formed on his lips.

Pacifica Northwest stepped out of the helicopter wearing an elegant orchid-coloured gown and matching opera gloves. Her hair was done up in a high ponytail. She started sauntering toward him, and he walked to meet her half way.

When they were just 10 feet apart, Dipper shouted to be heard over the chopping of the blades overhead.

"You certainly know how to make an entrance."

"Well, we can't have a repeat of last week, now can we? If you bumped into me you'd knock me over, Mr. Lanky-Limbs."

"I thought you were doing something with your parents this weekend?"

"I was. Setting up royal memberships for five for the Claremont Country Club isn't a simple process."

Then it clicked.

"You're the reason we're here, aren't you?"

"I may have… anonymously donated a million or two to the Piedmont High Prom Committee… For charity purposes, of course."

"Mm-hm. And how much "charity" did it take to convince the country club that a helicopter wouldn't ruin the putting lawn?"

"Oh hush. Are you going to escort me inside or not?"

"It would be my pleasure." Dipper extended his arm and Pacifica took it with grace. Together, they strode back through the stunned throng of teenagers.

When they were a safe distance away, the Helicopter took off.

"How exactly did you get here? You didn't fly a helicopter all the way from Gravity Falls, surely?"

"No. I rode the private jet down to OAK. Then a chauffeur drove me to Hayward's Executive Airport,* and from there a pilot flew me over in father's Bell 407. And don't call me "Shirley.""

"Why does your dad have a helicopter down here anyway?"

"My father needs a private helicopter in the Bay Area for when he does business in the City. San Francisco _is_ one of the most influential cities on the west coast, after all."

"Fair enough."

As they passed the entryway, Dipper tried his best not to look smug at the gaping maws of his skeptical classmates. McDowell looked absolutely flabbergasted. And alone. It seemed his date had seen her chance to abscond and took it.

They got twenty paces past the glass doors before Mabel attacked Pacifica.

"PACIFICAAAAA!"

"Waah!"

"You'rehereyou'rehereyou'rehereyou'rehere!"

"Yes, Mabel. I'm here," Pacifica said, face red from exertion. Mabel was also infamous for immobilizing hugs.

Finally, Mabel relented the physical attack in favour of a verbal assault.

"How did you get here? When did you get here? How long are you staying? Can we have a sleepover? What do you wanna do tomorrow? Shopping? Where did you get that dress? Where can _I_ get that dress? Ohhh! I'm so happy you're here!" Mabel rambled off before hugging Pacifica again.

"Calm down Mabel! Paz just got here. Let her breathe a little." Dipper said good-naturedly.

Just then Dipper noticed the green-haired boy Mabel had been dancing with. His demeanor was as silent as the light of dawn. His appearance was a crowing rooster.

"Oh! Introductions. Dipper, Pacifica, this is Ferb.* Ferb, Dipper and Pacifica."

"Hi…" Ferb articulated.

"He doesn't say much, but he's a _really_ good dancer!"

To prove her right, Ferb started dancing, pulling off moves that might seem impossible to anyone unfamiliar with the anomalies of Gravity Falls. He seemed to defy gravity itself. He was able to move his body vigorously while his head stayed perfectly still, just like a chicken.

Silence…

"Wowza," Pacifica put eloquently.

"I know, right?" Mabel added, almost suggestively, "and that's not all he's good at if you know what I mean." Mabel took Ferb's hand and led him back onto the dance floor as the music started up again. "Okay, we're gonna go dance some more. Text me later about that sleepover! See ya!" They disappeared into the crowd, leaving Dipper and Pacifica with some much appreciated alone time.

They started dancing to the beat of the pop song the DJ had selected.

"I see you learned some new dance moves since our last lesson." Pacifica noted Dipper's up-to-date style and rhythm.

"Yeah. As classy as waltzes are, sometimes you just have to go with the flow." Dipper tried to play it off all cool. Pacifica poked him in the belly real quickly and he spasmed and flailed off of the beat.

"Yeah, real flow-y." Pacifica giggled.

Someone tapped Dipper on the shoulder. Dipper turned to see Norman, from the Investigation Society (another of Dipper's regular clubs), smiling encouragingly.

"So Pacifica Northwest really _is_ your girlfriend. I knew you'd never lie to us Society members. Now everyone _has_ to believe in the essence of diverse human personality over society's status prejudices. Congratulations, friend." Norman held out his hand.

Dipper smiled and took Norman's outstretched hand. Norman thumbed Dipper's first knuckle. Likewise, Dipper pressed his thumb into the space between Norman's first and second knuckle.

They shared a nod. Norman bowed to Pacifica, then went back and started dancing with Salma.*

"So you do have some faithful friends after all." Pacifica noted.

"Heh, yeah. Norman, from the Investigation Society. He's one of the few people who actually believed I could be dating you. Almost everyone else has this deeply ingrained idea that people of higher statuses have exclusively high standards."

Pacifica looked down.

"They're right. Everyone in my circle of peers balks at the idea of our relationship. If I wasn't richer than them, I'd be an outcast."

"Hey, breaking the rules is kind of our thing, don'tcha think?"

Paz looked up.

"Sneaking into miniature golf parks in the middle of the night, ruining cherished carpet patterns, resisting insane geometric demons, we're renegades. You and I."

Pacifica smiled at the thought. Then seemed to think of something.

"What was that weird handshake you and Norman did?"

"Oh, Norman and I are Masonic apprentices."

"Masonic? As in the Free Masons?"

"Yeah. Most of the Investigation Society members are apprentices at the Oakland Masonic Center down on Broadway."

"Why am I not surprised? As mysterious an organization as the Masons are, the avid mystery hunter that you are. A perfect match."

"You know me."

They fell into a companionable silence, enjoying their time together as their dancing did the talking.

After awhile, Dipper seemed to think something was off.

"Did you say royal memberships for five?"

"Yeah. Both of my parents, myself, you, and Mabel." Pacifica counted off without missing a beat.

"Mabel and I are official members of Claremont Country Club?" Dipper asked, incredulous.

"Do you want me to cancel the memberships?"

"Nope! We'd appreciate them. Thanks."

"Hm." Pacifica smiled. "I don't always know how to express my feelings for you both. This is something I can do for you two without directly throwing money at you."

Dipper smiled at that.

"We love you too, Paz."

"Shut up and dance, Pines," Paz pouted.

With a smirk, Dipper pivoted behind her. As smooth as greased lightning, he wrapped his arms around her and clutched her opposite hands.

Pacifica squeaked in surprise, but settled into his embrace once she understood the reason for his sudden movements. She leaned back, resting her head on his shoulder and shut her eyes in contentment. They gently swayed in contrast to the still energetic music.

"How do you feel about a staying in an actual hotel?"

A look of shock took over Dipper's facial features. _Is she asking me…?_

"…Huh?"

"In separate rooms, dork. Mabel and I in one room, you in another. Maybe that Ferb guy too, if he wants. She'll get a slumber party, and you can be the protective brother by questioning Ferb."

"Oh." _Phew_. "Sure, sounds great."

"The Clarion's close. Three and a half stars. Unless, for namesake, you want to stay at the actual Claremont Hotel?"

"Would you be okay, staying in a hotel with less than four stars?"

"The Claremont it is then."

"I'll call our parents and tell them where we are. Wouldn't want them to worry."

Pacifica's eyes opened and she adopted a blank expression.

"I didn't think about that."

"Think about what?"

"Maybe we should have the slumber party at your guys' place after all."

"Oh? Why the sudden change of heart?"

Pacifica twisted out of Dipper's embrace to face him. She took hold of his shoulders as he held her waist. They made an oddly peaceful spectacle; two calmly swaying figures surrounded by the jolting figures of dancing teenagers.

"It's just…" Pacifica examined her high heels. Perhaps she could find some confidence in the extra inches they gave her. She looked back up. "I just realized I haven't met your parents yet."

Dipper was silent. She continued.

"Obviously you've met my parents, for better or for worse remains to be seen… But I haven't met yours. I guess…" Pacifica released the weight of the world with a heavy sigh. "I guess I'm just worried they won't like me like- …like my parents don't-"

"Is that all?"

Pacifica looked up. Dipper's smile was empathetic. "Of course you can stay with us tonight. My parents would love to meet you. Mabel's been dropping hints for months- they want confirmation you exist too."

That made Paz smile.

"Do you think they'll like me?"

"They'll love you. I know, because I love you."

Pacifica reached up to cup his cheek. Dipper leaned down, and their lips met like where the land meets the sea. They stood firm, grounding each other. They ebbed and surged in equal measure. And when they broke apart, breathing deeply, it was to share the same air- the same sky.

"No interruptions… this time." Dipper said between breaths. "No tyrannical triangles… Or terrorizing trees."

"Shut up and kiss me, dork."

She pulled him back down with a hand running through his shaggy excuse for hair. Dipper and Pacifica kissed with a practiced ease- an old familiarity. They kissed in a way that spoke of curiosity prime, of pleasure intellectus, of rebellion perentes, and of passion repetita.

The tide always recedes, but it also always comes back for more. And so it is with human nature. When separation is enforced by distance, obstacles, or, especially, the will of others, we do everything in our power to reunite.

These are the things we do.

* * *

*She became a level 7 mage after the first year under Dipper's tutelage. Two years later she became known state-wide as Amanda the Great Mage of Moraga (level 54 and counting).

* _What Does the Rabbit Say?_ , _Downtown Jazz_ , and _Coldline Blang_ inspired by real songs _What Does the Fox Say_?, _Uptown Funk_ , and _Hotline Bling_ respectively.

*Jersey number 42

*Hayward Executive Airport or IATA: HWD

*As a Bay Area native myself, I'm just going to pretend that the Danville in Phineas and Ferb is the same Danville that I-680 passes through. It's about a 45-minute drive from Piedmont. A reasonable distance for Proms in California.

*Headcanon for the sake of this ParaNorman cameo, Norman's family moves from Massachusetts to California following a ghost trail. They settle in Oakland. Salma is visiting on an oh-so-conveniently-planned college tour of UC Berkely.

 **A/N:** So yeah, I figured there had to be a part two For Dipper's prom (and some of you asked nicely). Things would seem unbalanced if Dipper had the determination to go all the way to Gravity falls for Pacifica, but she wouldn't do the same for him. It's a bit late because I couldn't find a truly satisfactory conflict for Dipper this time. So I apologize if this seems a bit cliché. The paired English and Latin words at the end there are meant to convey a sense of their relationship in a nutshell.

Consider Ferb Fletcher's presence in this story a nod to the Ferbel ship. I think it's a neat crossover. I approve.

And consider Norman Babcock's presence in this story a nod to the crossover. I don't ship parapines, but read it how you will.


	3. Grunkle Stan & Grunkle Ford

So, I had this idea while writing the first chapter. About the Grunkles giving Dipper advice on girls. I thought I'd get a message or two asking for a scene where the Grunkles struggle through "The Talk" with Dipper. I didn't. So, whether you wanted it or not, here it is! A snippet. Or… a drabble? One of those. Enjoy!

* * *

 ** _Previously…_**

"Heh. Not to worry, Ford. I'm sure between the two of us we can make him sound intelligent _and_ confident without coming off as too much of a jerk."

"Yeah… Yeah. How hard can it be? Prepping your grandnephew for his Prom?"

 ** _Thump._**

"Ow."

 ** _Bump._**

"Oof!"

 ** _Scuffle scuffle. Crash!_**

"Ugh! This collar is tight!"

"Come on." grunted Stan. "Let's go help the kid."

Together, the old men ascended the staircase to give the best pep talk they could.

* * *

"You're going out with Pacifica, right? That rich chick?"

"Yes, Grunkle Stan. 'That rich chick.'"

"Good. Then you won't need to borrow cash for your prom ticket."

"Stanley! It's incredibly rude to make the girl pay for the date! Surely _that_ hasn't changed in the past three decades?"

"I'm not making Pacifica pay. But I don't need to borrow money either: Mabel's been selling sweaters online, and she lent me the money. She even gave me extra money for emergencies, although by "emergencies" I think she meant Waddles' larder."

"Just as long as I'm not buying."

Ford glowered at Stan. It was greedy and selfish, but Dipper couldn't blame his grunkle. Stan spent a good chunk of his life on get-rich-quick schemes to please Philbrick, and fully half his life trying to bring his twin brother back from the dead. Grunkle Ford still seemed unable to grasp this concept of bitterness.

"Grunkle Stan, you know I'd never come to you for money unless it was absolutely necessary. Now, can you help me with my bow tie?"

Dipper faced Stan and stood to attention. Stan came closer and started tying.

"Parrot… on the shoulder… Fold the fish, at the fattest, part… Drop down the elephant… ears over the trunk… swing counter-clockwise… stuff, and tighten. And voila! This'll get ya past the first six hours." Then he added, under his breath, "I looked amazing, Marilyn…"

"Huh? What was that?" Dipper asked?

"Oh, eh heh heh… Nothing. Just uh… Just a bad memory."

"Who's Marilyn?"

Stan looked away and was silent. "She was my wife… briefly."

"You were married?" Dipper and Ford asked at the same time with differing levels of incredulity.

"For six hours. Not much of a relationship, huh? I've been slapped, dumped, divorced, and almost eaten by all kinds of women. There may or may not be certain rules of thumb that I just don't get about women." Stan sighed, then added, "I guess I'm not the best person to give girl advice."

Dipper and Ford were quiet for a beat. Then, Dipper spoke up.

"Well, the first rule of thumb is, if you _can_ do something nice for someone, you _should_ do something nice for someone. Whether it's paying for the date or changing a tire in the rain. Just be a generally considerate person, y'know? Help people in their time of need, or just help people. Period. That will do more for your chance with the ladies than any cockamamie story you can make up about fighting a dinosaur with your bare hands."

Ford still looked a little addled, but Stan was smiling.

"Heh, you know, kid, if I'd had that advice 35 years ago, you could have had cousins. Well, on your dad's side."

"Maybe, but then I wouldn't get to spend as much time with you."

"Aw, come on, kid. You're makin' an old man blush!"

Dipper rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. Then he turned to Grunkle Ford.

"What about you, Grunkle Ford? Did you meet any nice women in other dimensions?"

Ford responded with the 1,000-yard-stare. He was silent for a beat. Two beats. Four.

After seven beats, Ford shook his head as if shaking off the dust of decades.

"Never question why a woman has the House of Clubs card symbol on either cheek."*

Dipper and Stan stared.

"Well, **_cough cough_** that was… cryptic."

"Listen to me, Dipper. Now I've been living with him a few years, that's mild compared to the things I've heard in the middle of the night."

"Now I'm curious. What else have you seen, Grunkle Ford?"

"Dipper, if I told you about every 3^2+K,* every anthropomorphic animal, every historical alien zombie dimension, it would turn your average three dimensional mind into grey matter. _Literal_ grey matter: a puddle of grey goop with not even a wisp of consciousness or form. Trust me, it's better you don't know. In 3^2+K the possibilities are… well, let's just say that anything can happen."

Ford shifted uncomfortably and refused to say anymore.

"Let's just focus on what you're gonna do. What's the plan, Dip?" Stan asked.

"Well, I was planning on calling her and telling her to go outside for something. Like, the moon is a different colour or whatever. When she gets to the entrance, I'll get her attention and give her the flowers. She'll be elated and hug me. We'll go in, dance for a bit, I'll say something suave, maybe get a kiss. And I guess I'll see where things go from there."

Grunkle Stan tapped his chin in thought.

"Not bad, not bad… Though make sure you show off your monkey suit. Strike a pose or something. And say 'Hey, Toots. Long time, no see. Speaking of seeing, you like?' Don't forget to wink. And smile. Let me see you smile."

Dipper smiled.

"Don't smile. Or at least, don't show your teeth. Try a smirk instead."

"Stanley, we don't want him to be confident, not cocky."

"Oh, like you would know anything about being cocky."

"As a matter of fact, I once briefly visited this dimension where the natives communicated by…"

Dipper shook his head, amused smile donning his lips. He watched their back-and-forth in the mirror. Seeing them argue, actually listening and responding, acting so affectionately towards each other, it was a sight for sore eyes.

"Guys, guys. Can we get back to my love life?..."

The room was calm again. The light from a triangular window (unprofessionally replaced) was quickly yellowing. Through said window, the afternoon air buzzed with an ancient energy. A woodpecker alighted on a tree branch and inspected a softer section of bark. On the trunk, just above the woodpecker's eye level, a knothole moved.

This softer patch was curious to the woodpecker. It had never seen scratches in that shape. Three connected scratches. A beak-shape.* A fat beak. No doubt a nut-eating bird. The woodpecker squawked softly, indignant of those bottom-peckers. Over-flying their boundaries. The Woodpecker jabbed at the area in rapid succession, equal parts making a hole to store food and trying to get rid of the pesky nut-eating-bird-symbol.

The knothole focused.

 ** _Creeeaak._**

* * *

*Reference to Miss Heinous from Star vs. the Forces of Evil. Dimensional hopping children's shows unite! I'm sure many of you expected a Rick and Morty reference. No offence, but it's not exactly a children's show. This is a K+ fanfiction, mind you. Rick and Morty, regardless of what actually happens in the fic is at least a T rating. Sometimes M.

*On the original word doc this was a three to the second plus 'K' power. doesn't do symbols very well. Just some random math term. For science, of course.

*As far as science can tell us, birds such as woodpeckers don't have a word for triangle. This triangle is not Bill. Just a sentient tree rune.


End file.
